Grit and Gender (Jamie)
“If people don’t identify with their assigned gender, how are you going to operate in a family? What kind of function can society get out of you? How can people relate to you emotionally, how can they relate to you socially?”
I’m Jamie, I’m 20, my pronouns are they/them, I’m heavily into politics and a mad socialist. I have a cat named Bean, and a ginger cat named Remi. I grew up in Brisbane.
What is the greatest you have had to overcome in your life?
Growing up being socialized as a woman and the different types of oppression and stereotypes, and ways that people think you have to act based on what’s between your legs. The sexism behind that and how it relates to growing up queer and experiencing homophobia.
How did you initially react to this challenge?
Before I had even come out, I became heavily interested in LGBT rights and movements and I was obsessed with all these different gay guys. It wasn’t until later when I realised it was oppressive in itself and fetishizing gayness. It was really kind of cringe. Another thing I noticed as well when I was younger was that I was comfortable watching gay guys but as soon as it came to trans people, or lesbians or intersex people, I mean they were in the shows I was watching too because they’re a part of the community, but I didn’t feel as comfortable watching them.
I find that it’s a lot to do with the ideas of the ‘nuclear family’ that were pushed on me and every woman when they’re young. These are the roles you have, and anything out of the ordinary, or if people don’t identify with their assigned gender, how are you going to operate in a family? What kind of function can society get out of you? How can people relate to you emotionally, how can they relate to you socially? Especially when guys are ‘supposed’ to be into sports, and I’m supposed to be into pretty things like dresses and shopping. So, it was difficult growing up and trying to relate to such strong extremes when you should be able to live anywhere in the grey.
Did your reaction change toward the challenge?
I mean for one thing, something that was different for me was growing up with a single mum. I still had that idea of ‘she’s strong, she’s looking after this family even though she’s so young’. But at the same time when she did get a partner, he was doing separate things to her, and you could tell the differences between what a man does in the house and what a woman does in the house; how many hours they work, and the kind of industries they’re in. My mum, she was in childcare and her partner was in construction. When you’re little, you’re thinking that you’re supposed to grow up to be like this as well. When I was little, I would wear dresses, have tea parties, and try makeup with my aunt, all trying to fit in.
But I knew it wasn’t what I liked. I feel like this was weird but I know this is what a woman is supposed to do. So, it probably wasn’t until I got to that puberty age, when I was properly and hormonally changing, around the ages 10-13, that I explored all of these things I didn’t know existed about gender and sexuality. The internet definitely helped with that. YouTube was a massive help during that time. I was like ‘there’s a whole world of queer people out here?!’. So, I would say, it was definitely a sexuality thing before it was a gender thing.
What did you ultimately learn? Good or bad?
The opinions I have now developed once I came to conclusions about my gender and sexuality. But it all came together nicely, when I was about 18. I learnt about sexism and realised I had been oppressed my whole life, but now it was time to shine. That was also when I became very heavily interested in politics and that was a very big part that shaped my changes in thought and how I wanted to present myself. Reading different social theories on sexism, society and how the economic system works with that, helped me understand how I was being oppressed, and realised it was time to fight back. Ever since then, I’ve expressed myself how I want to and teach others that there isn’t just ‘man’ and ‘woman’.
Do you often tell people about this challenge? Why or why not?
Absolutely. I tell people all the time. I’m helping a friend, who is the same age, who are only recently discovering their gender identity and being comfortable in their sexuality. There are people of all ages still coming out, you have old people who come out and say, ‘I’ve been trans this whole time’. There are children out there who are discovering. I think the younger you realise that there are other ideas out there, not just what society has been putting down your throat, the sooner they can come to terms with it themselves and be genuinely happy, and avoid the depressive state so many queer people go through in their teens.
Would you go through it again for the same outcome?
Yes. I would. Let’s say if I didn’t have the internet and I didn’t get to explore all these different ideas, the politics behind sexism and homophobia, I think I would be absolutely miserable. I would never have thought about cutting my hair or messing around with binders, or wearing ties out. I mean suspenders were my thing. And I was always weird and quirky, and my mum always made fun of me, but I was so proud because I had that community there and I am very proud to be apart of the LGBTIQ community and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. And I’m learning every day. If the internet wasn’t there i wouldn’t be able to share my story and experience with others who are in the same boat I was years ago, terrified I’d have to grow up into someone I never felt comfortable with.
