Action and Attitude (Alexa)

Alexa is a UK-born, Sydney-based living strength coach, mental health advocate and motivational speaker. You can find her daily workouts and ongoing adventures on Instagram @actionalexa

What is the greatest challenge you have had to overcome in your life? 

I would say, alcoholism. I am now 14 years sober, and it was probably the best, yet hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 

How did you initially react to this challenge? 

My whole family is genetically predisposed to alcoholism. My dad was an alcoholic who died of alcoholism, my Dad’s brother was an alcoholic who died of alcoholism, my Dad’s Dad the same , so it’s generational for me. I was a big binge drinker, and for a long time, I wondered if I was just fighting a losing nature-nurture battle.

They say that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety – it’s connection.  I found my first sense of connection when I found the gym but I found my second sense of connection when I found my Dad’s whisky bottle. I never drank because I liked the taste of alcohol or enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner – I drank because I liked the feeling of being drunk. I liked the perceived sense of self-confidence it gave me. And I liked the perceived connection I felt with my peers when we were all “off our chops”.

When I was 15 I drank my first full bottle of rum, and made myself so sick I could never touch rum again.

When  I was 17, I got so drunk at our pre-ball function that one of my classmates had to take me home and I lied to my parents, telling them my drink was spiked because I was terrified of disappointing them.

For my 21st birthday party, I drank 21 tequila shots in a row before making myself sick then returning to drink some more. I then gate-crashed an end of year rugby function telling security I was a cheerleader before getting so drunk that one of the actual cheerleaders had to take me home.

And when I was 25, I fell out of a cab and smacked my head on the curb. Two strangers found me, called me an ambulance and I ended up in the hospital with a black eye and on a drip.

But even after all these dangerous situations, it still took another four years and the death of my dad to bring home the fact that alcohol and I were in a very toxic relationship and needed to break up. I went to his funeral, drank his last bottle of whiskey, danced on the bar, fell off the bar, threw up all over myself, fell in a ditch and missed my flight home. I woke up the next morning and said to my then partner, ‘I am never drinking again’.  He just laughed and said “Yeah right, until next weekend.”  But I flew back to Hong Kong and I didn’t touch another drop of alcohol. It’s now been 14 years.

Did your reaction change toward the challenge? 

It still amazes me how confrontational it can be when the decisions you make about your own life, seem to indirectly challenge the lifestyle choices of the people around you. For lack of a better term, it was initially pretty much “social suicide” for me.  Overnight, I lost entire groups of friends, and it was the beginning of the end of my relationship. I was no longer the ‘fun girl’ who you would invite out to a party. What do you do if you’re not drinking? I had met my boyfriend while drunk in a bar and we spent time drinking on the weekends. If you took that away, there wasn’t that much more to connect over. You end up assessing how compatible you really are.

I was fortunate to meet someone who had been sober for four years. She had gone through drug and alcohol rehabilitation and was working at a gym. I remember asking her about how to deal with all the emotions. Training was one of my stress management strategies, but so was partying and escapism. They’re both coping mechanisms. And now, with the loss of one of outlets, I was angry and frustrated and anxious.   My friend said to me, ‘You need to find something bigger than yourself; you need to find a new purpose.’

I ended up joining a triathlon club, and then progressed to a half-Ironman. Competing gave me a new focus, it gave me something to do on the weekends, so I wasn’t sitting at home alone with FOMO but most of all, it gave me an entirely new social circle who absolutely understood what I was going through and wanted to support me. Initially, I guess you could say I replaced one addiction for another, but by the time I qualified for the World Championsips two and half years later, I didn’t need either. Now my friends love #uberalexa – she is the best designated driver around, and they’re at the bar getting me a soft drink or water before I’ve even had to ask.

What did you ultimately learn? Good or bad? 

When it comes to something like overcoming addiction, it’s not a linear process – it can feel like one step forward and three steps back. It can be long and messy and incredibly hard before it gets easier. You have to know WHY you’re making a change, and that why has to be so much more important than anything else, because when the going gets tough – it needs to keep you going.

Ultimately, as with anything in life, you never really know what things you’re truly capable of doing until you must be capable of doing them. And once you have met a challenge head on and come out on the winning side, you realise that no matter what life throws at you – you have the tools and the ability to be your own hero.

Do you often tell people about this challenge? Why or why not? 

If I can be as open and transparent as possible with everything I’ve done and dealt with on the journey to being sober, if that makes someone else journeys smoother or makes them feel less alone, or less stigmatized—that’s the point. I would hope by sharing my story, others will feel confident and empowered enough to start a conversation about where they’re at with their own journey.  

Would you go through it again for the same outcome? 

I would. Whilst I’ve had a lot of shit thrown at me over the years, I wouldn’t take any of it back. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without any of the challenges I’ve had to face or the lessons I’ve had to go through to grow through.

I just finished competing in The Mongol Darby – a 1000 km race across the Mongolian Steppe on semi wild horses – and they have a great saying; ‘You never get the race that you want, you get the race that you need.’ I think it’s a great analogy for life.

Image: @jasonminilee